it's sept. 14 or nothing.

it's not like you can postpone a birthday. or celebrate christmas two days after.

it's not that i do not understand.  i refuse to understand.

not on sept. 14. NOT on SEPTEMEBER 14.

STACY DAY is on September 14 and September 14 alone.

I can settle for a simple dinner on the 14th and celebrate a few days after.

But not seeing or being with each other at all on that day is an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT thing.

it's on the 14th or none at all.

---

or, why not just forget about the whole anniversary thing and make our lives simple?

what should it mean anyway?!

---

PFFFFFFFT. *ROLLS EYES*

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Stan and I had a... mm, well, you may call it a perfect day coz hindi kami nagkainisan o nag-away the whole time. :) maaga syang pumunta rito... like, i woke up at 8:01 am and at the very moment i opened my eyes and mumbled "baby," i got a message from him saying he's on his way here. :)) galing e no.. sakto. parang ginising ako ni God para di ako malate hehe..

so, we swam for two whole hours -- thanks to Bert Lozada Swim School. hehehe. may ad.. :D afterwards, we had one of, if not, the BEST lunch ever at Gilligan's Island ATC. sarap e... Bulalo, Chicken Sisig, (CY) Pechay (daw) in oyster sauce and their rice platter good for 3-4 persons, plus extra rice for me. :)) takaaaaaaaaw :D but it was heaven. hihi.  I offered to eat the bone marrow -- syempre, ayaw ko naman tumaas ang cholesterol ni stan so akin na lang. *evil grin* ganon ko kasi sya kamahal... hahahaha!

tas basta laaaaaaaaang. ang dami namin napag-usapan. :) plans sa future... pasalubong from HK, and stuff. :) nothing TOO serious kaya light lang ang dating ng lahat. hihi. masaya :)  super favorite ko talaga pag nagtatravel kami tas meron kaming dalang sariling kotse. :) i looooooooove their Innova. hihi. ang private kasi ng moment.. parang walang ibang tao sa mundo kundi kami lang. hehe. i loooove :)

on our way home, napag-usapan namin somehow ang supposed "break up" nung isa kong kaibigan. nalulungkot kasi ako para sa kanila... although i sincerely hope that they'll work things out. :) ayun, tas nasabi kong, "kasi alam mo, minsan naiinggit ako sa kanila e." tas eto si stan, nag-cross arms sa may chest nya, tas yung ichura nya parang naka-"hmmp!" na pabiro yung ichura... tas sabi ko, o bat ka ganyan? sabi ko, hinde hinde.. hindi ganun yung ibig ko sabihin. :)) sabi nya, "naiinggit ka pa sa kanila hon??" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. e ang ibig ko naman talaga sabihin e, natutuwa ako sa kanila kasi magkaiba kami (other coule and us) ng version ng "happy happy". hahaha. nakakatawa e. nag-po-protest!!!! hhahaha. cutie. :)


 i loooooooooove this day! quotable stan quote: "easy, baby... easy... :)" HAHAHAHA!

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naniniwala akong time is gold.  naniniwala rin akong life is short. kaya nga pinapahalagahan ko higit sa lahat ang mga taong nakakasama ko sa bawat araw at oras.  pwede kasing ito na ang huling araw ko sa mundo.. (wag naman sana. :D)

kung nasabi ko mang gusto ko ring maranasan ang minsan ay mawalan ng oras, ibig ko sabihin, PARANG gusto kong maranasang may makikihati ng oras at atensyon ko at maibibigay ko ang oras at atensyong hinihingi nito nang buong puso and without feeling guilty about it.  Ayokong tao ang makikihati.. trabaho o gawain (activity) pwede pa. kung tao, pwedeng workmates o groupmates. whatever. as in. kahit ano.

maranasan lang minsan ng ibang tao kung ano ang pakiramdam ng may nakikihati.  yun ay kung ayaw nilang may nakikihati sa oras at atensyon ko sa kanila. pero kung hindi naman ganon at okay lang sa kanila na hindi kanila 100% ang atensyon ko, mm, mabuti pang wala na lang makihati. magsasaya na lang ako sa sarili ko.. ayaw ko rin ng sooooobrang trabaho. nakakapagod. demanding pa ata ang bago kong boss. sana hinde. :)


hindi ko alam kung swerte ang isang tao pag ginusto ko syang paglaanan ng 100 porsyento ng oras at atensyon ko, o higit pa.

pero para sa akin, maswerte sya. kasi sa ikli ng buhay ng tao sa mundo, may tao pang buong pusong inilalaan ang napakahalagang oras ng buhay nya para sa taong yun.  siguro kasi, sya ang nagpapasaya sa kanya. haha. ewan. ayaw ko na mag-isip. :)

magulo? pasensya. basta. un na un. :)

para sa mga taong binibigyan ako ng halaga, maraming salamat.

sa mga taong binibigyan ko ng halaga, sana ma-appreciate nyo ito.

pinipili ko ang mga bagay at taong pagbibigyan ko ng oras at atensyon.  masaya naman ako sa mga napili ko ngayon.  pero minsan, nakakalungkot. nakakaiyak.  yung level ng importansya para sa isa't isa, dama kong magkaiba. pero, ako naman ang pumili nito. sorry na lang ako, diba?

pero kahit nakakalungkot minsan, ayokong dumating ang panahong piliin kong ibahin ang mga tao at bagay na pag-uukulan ko ng oras, panahon at atensyon.  ayoko.

bukas, malilimutan ko na siguro ang nararamdaman ko sa ngayon. patapos na naman ang araw na 'to.  simula na naman bukas. pano kaya matatapos? sana masaya.



***mahirap lang sa blog hindi ninyo alam ang tono ng boses ko habang sinasabi ko lahat to.  baka ang pagbasa nyo masaya ako, o kaya galit, o sarcastic. hehe. sorry.

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I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

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YES! sana everyday election para walang traffic. :) hehe.  imagine, stan and i spent less than an hour to travel from eastwood to MY place. i live like in waaaaaaay down south.  so un nga, sana araw-araw na lang walang traffic!!!! :D  i would be driving my manual car without hesitation. tsk. :D haha.

anyway, matagal na kong hindi nag-blog about our dates.  i really don't know why. perhaps, i'm too lazy to make kwento. :)) ang conyo e. ahahah. pasensya. :D or maybe, i just want to keep things to ourselves.. but anyway...

after performing our tasks as responsible citizens of this country, stan and I met up and spent our THIRD, eighth monthsary together. :) sweet... to see how much this love of ours has grown.. we are relatively young, yes.  but in this day and age, staying together for quite sometime is sorta like an achievement a couple should be proud of.  

it's a day-to-day decision to stay in this relationship.  What we have is not perfect.  We have our own share of bumps on the road that makes us trip and fall every now and then -- sometimes apart, sometimes together.  We get bruised by these nasty encounters with negativities.  I've had my own late night personal telenovela episodes. I have my own fair share of pain.

Sometimes, the pain is too much to handle and to just let go of everything seems to be the best way to end my suffering.  But looking at things from a different perspective makes me realize that these trials are really there to make me strong and not to make me realize that things aren't just working out.  To let go isn't the best way, rather, the easiest.

---

we had a typical stacy date.  Meet, lunch at Somthin' Fishy (which serves suoer yummy food at verrrrry affordable prices :D, filipino and japanese cuisine), watched spiderman 3 (Eastwood Cinema, FIRST TIME! :D), went around the mall, bought a drink from Cafe Xocolat, and he took me home -- ehem, he was permitted to use their Innova. :) 

I would rather not talk about the food we had now -- not that I didn't like 'em, it's just that, my eyes zeroed in on how we are as a couple.  I took notice of how we communicate, how we act, laugh, or even look at each other. Haha.  Comparing to our earlier days, we are much more comfortable with each other now. I still make pa-cute though :))  Silences do not bother me THAT MUCH anymore. We talk as if we're in sync. we got the connection.  i can get inis and say it right then and there.  yada yada yada..

I felt loved the most today while we were watching Spiderman 3.  Stan had me all cooped up in his arms. :)) not all the time naman. haha. but the way he hugs me now provides more sense of security.  basta, parang he's saying na "you're mine.." and he isn't afraid to show the world that he's with someone.  He kisses me on the forehead and on the cheek and on my hand every now and then.  He loves making me laugh, I know.  and while i was laughing, i noticed how his face lit up.  it was a best moment.

ay tapos, may scene sa spidey 3:

MJ: tell me you love me.
Peter:  I love you.  I always have.

and at that same moment, stan held my hand tighter, fingers intertwining -- as if silently acting out the scene with me; as i saying he loves me that much too. :)

tas sa scene na nag-uusap si peter at si aunt may regarding wedding proposals, ngingiti-ngiti ang stanley. sana he got it when aunt may said something like "you have to make it something he won't forget." hehehe. tas ung "a man has to always put his wife first before himself," Stanley smiled a beautiful smile. basta ang ganda ganda ganda ng ngiti nya.

i am smitten.

basta we had this talk earlier.. it just came up, out of nowhere... saglit lang, wala pa nga one minute...  "chineck ko kung kelan Sunday ang September 14."

basta un na un! :D

and oh, i am such a lucky girlfriend to have a boyfriend who encourages me to check out the boutiques in a mall! :)) while we were waiting for our butterscotch bliss from cafe Xocolat, dear Stanley said, "o, hon, gusto mo tumingin (Plains and Prints)?" sabi ko wag na.. sabi nya, cge na raw. edi i went inside. pero mabilis na, as i was walking away, sinabi nya rin na may pagkalaki-laking Bayo. pero di na ko pumunta Bayo after plains and prints, binalikan ko na lang ang butterscotch bliss.haha  sabi nya check ko rin daw. sbai ko, kaw ha, gusto mo talaga ako umalis. sabi nya, hindi naman, gusto ko lang na ma-enjoy mo ang Eastwood.

NAKS. :D when other men i know would DIE to go malling with their girlfriends.. :))

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...some things just ain't worth it.

i am verrrry sad. i do not know what's true anymore.  i thought... tsk.

there are some things which...

haay.

minsan, nakakatakot ipagtanggol o ipaglaban ang ilang bagay kung yung ilang arguments/defense mo ay hindi sang-ayon sa ipinaglalaban mo [o sa inaasahan mong arguments/defense din ng ipinaglalaban mo].

mahirap lumaban nang mag-isa.

Stop making me feel that I am just next to her.  That I am just his second choice.  That I am just the next best thing and not the best there is.

it breaks my heart.

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I miss Stan everytime I see other happy couples :) sa pics, sa movies, sa sasakyan.. wherever :) kasi ganun din kami. parang i want others to see na masaya rin kami... na hindi lang sila ang masaya.  :) nakakamiss mag-upload ng kung anu-anong stuff about us.. minsan kasi i get this feeling that I want the entire world to know how much I love him, and how much he means to me. :) 

minsan naman, parang mas masaya na we keep things to ourselves... they make things more special (pag private). hehe..

i don't have our pics recently.. :) ever since Stan had Payton, yun na ang ginagamit naming cam e. hihi.. baka kunin ko ung files sa kanya pag punta nya rito sa bahay.. :)

hihihi...

kakamiss si Stan :)  yesterday, we had one of the BEST days ever. :) hihi.. although nung una, mejo hindi, hehe.. apparently naging okay naman afterwards. When I got to his house, hehe.. nanglalambing e. NR pa ako (actually, trying na wag mag-react. hehe) :) Nung naglalakad kami papuntang RP, hihi, inakbayan nya ko. Nung una, ayaw ko mag-react e.. hihi.. kaso hindi ko matiis, I placed an arm around his waist too. hehe. it just felt so right. :) tas si stan, tumawa na parang "Aha!" ayun. nakakatawa e. after non, edi okay na kami. off to a happy day! :)

I love you, Stan! :) You know why. :)

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hahaha.  I knoooooow it's been sooooooo loooooooooooong... hahaha.  wala naman, I've just decided to keep things to myself and not share the nitty-gritty details of my life to the world.  Partly true, hehe.. as i have been updating my  multiply account quite often since 2007 has started. hhehe. i love the comment-exchange thing. hehehe..

Everything's been the same.. i mean, date-wise, we continue to do stuff which you guys often read in my blog.  Yes, we eat out and have fun still :)  the details are kept in my memory as the owners of the restaurants we're trying out are NOT paying me for the good reviews I'm doing for them.  pro bono eh? :)) but anyway, we're doing great. :)

as some of you consider my online journal as some sort of an online telenovela probably because most of my entries are centered on matters of the heart :)), I'd try to give a brief rundown on what has been happening in my life of love. :P hehe..

January:

I would consider watching the 2nd World Pyrolympics as the highlight of STacy dates this month.  it was so DAMN wonderful!  we even had to run together at some point.. hehe.. Dear stanley has enjoyed every bit of the show EXCEPT the awful traffic afterwards.  Goodness.  Duringthe finals night, he had to walk from Mall of Asia to Vito cruz before catching a cubao-bound jeepney.  He then had to get off at UN where he had to walk AGAIN to his house.  talk about TOTAL leg work. 

What else... hmmm.. we tried out GUMBO: A Taste of New Orleans.  Food was yummy and we had one of the best seats... overlooking the bay :) Great everything!  Although, I had a "numbness attack" perhaps due to excessive intake of prawns. :)) We had seafood jambalaya and prawn and chips thingie. :)) both were great BUT the seafod jambalaya was soooooooooo spicy.  as in sooooo spicy i wasn't able to finish my share!!!! ehehehee.

oh great.  Rated K has started.  I have to go now because I'd be watching the interview of Kris and james Yap.  I've been following the story.. and I really want to express some of my views..

Cheating has NO justification.  There never was, and there will NEVER be.  Third parties are the biggest pain in the asses of the world.. I swear.... simply because they are trying to destroy the basic unit of the society -- the family (both existing and about-to-exist, meaning those who are not married yet). 

I would never find it in my heart to forgive those so-called "OTHER MAN/WOMAN"  Even the lousy excuse "I'm just a victim of love" and pther things to that effect.  Have you lost your mind?!?!? or perhaps i should say, "do you even have one?!?"  For goodness sake! I believe that nobody is brought up with the belief that CHEATING is a VALUE.

To those who say that loving a person who is already committed is not stupidity but bravery, I only have this to tell you -- HELL, NO! Where's the bravery in NOT using your effin' head?  What is so brave in trying two destroy two people loving each other? I'd say, it's ENVY.  You are not part of that picture so just cut the crap out.  Do NOT STEAL SOMEONE whose heart already belongs to someone else.  If you guys are meant to be, though shall not put fate into your hands.  You HAVE NO RIGHT.  I cannot imagine why some people become TOO SELFISH of their own emotions AND LUST that they can bear hurting the innocent and legitimate girl/boyfriend. 

My God, lust!!! What about commitment??? Would you trade true love and happiness for cheap and TEMPORARY body desires??? how low can you effin' get???  Whoever chooses temporary sexual satisfaction a.k.a "happiness" DO NOT know what it truly means and are TOO WEAK.. moreso, those who are giving in to the desires of those in search of temporary sexual pleasure should better ask for money in exchange of the sexual favors they do in order to benefit to that lusty form of cheating.  Because seriously, the THIRD PARTY is not getting any good from it. S/HE DO NOT MATTER to their "customers."  S/HE is merely a sex machine, perhaps, "purchased," hence, readily available. S/he may have his/her body for several hours of the day but not his heart.  He/she might tell that he/she loves you.. but seriously, would you believe that if you are in your proper senses??? If they do love you... he/she should show you some form of respect.  But you aren't even getting you.  All you're hearing are some moans of desires as release of body heat.  think about it??? Are moans all your worth?  Love yourself, oh please.

I am pertaining to no one in particular.  I am not judging anyone.  All these are my personal beliefs expressed in my personal journal.  It's just that I hate seeing people not gettting the love they deserve because they do not love themselves.  And I SUUUUUPER hate seing men/women cry because they've been a victim of cheating. =( Both men and women should know how much love, and what kind of love they deserve.  Would anyone be really be happy if somebody else is crying? Somebody else legitimate? 

No explanation would ever justify anybody who's cheating.  from whatever perspective, CHEATING is WRONG.  CHEATING IS WRONG.  The desire to be with another person when you are already with someone, or "loving" someone who's already in a relationship is MOST DEFINITELY NOT LOVE at all.  It's selfishness.. it's weakness.. it's lack of self-respect as it shows that you do not love the other legit party as well. 

I could forever rant about third parties as it is strikes a sensitive cord in me.  Not that I am a victim of "other friggin' slutty women" nor is there even a threat to the relationship I am in.  But perhaps, I just wouldn't want that situation to ever happen to me.  Shit happens.  And definitely, I don't want to ever deal with this kind of sitch (situation).  I am perhaps overprotective of my love and my relationship.  I trust my partner and his love for me and for this US.  I know he can always say "no" to temptations.  Coz really, there is a moment when a committed person reaches a point where he/she has to choose to cheat or to choose to remain firm in his commitment and respect the one s/he truly loves.

HOPE triggered all these.  hehehe... again, there is no threat nor i've been a victim in our relationship.  Stan is a good man.  one of the few, goodiest two shoes i've ever  known and lucky to have in my life.  Basta lang, I HATE THIRD PARTIES..

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factoid:  may nasulat na ko kanina nang biglang may panaka-nakang power interruption so goodluck! bulak ang pagse-senti ko.  hehe.

Quickie Updates:

Work wise:  Regular na ako sa work! kami ni mitch actually :) hehe. (nakakainis kasiiiiiiii... may nasulat na ako kanina e.. di ko na maibalik ang momentum.)

basta.. im so grateful kasi i still have this job... no matter how boring it is... no matter how many times id be ranting about this job... despite enduring EVERYDAYS in the office without aircon... at least, i still get to receive my payslip twice a month and earning work experience as well.  better than sulking at home.. sleeping till noon.. and NOT earning anything.

i must admit though that life is now becoming a routine... and it sucks. really. i've told stan about it coz really, i feel like every morning, "Oh, my God.. I have to WORK again." or perhaps, "sh*t, sana kyle cain na lang file ko." haha. (kyle cain is such an easy client. his files are long.. as in.. i experienced having to finish 91 pages in one day, when the daily quota then was 36. good thing though, it boost my production rate.) and my system HATES to accept it.

Stan told me to just find a reason/an inspiration for me to do that work everyday.  to which he quickly added, "not necessarily a person." haha. (bakit, hon, takot kang maghanap ako ng inspiration sa office? hahahaha. don't worry, wala namang cute don. sadly. haaay.. hehehe. joke lang, darling!)

then i asked him.. "ikaw, ano/sino inspiration mo?" (hello, sino, shempre.. EXPECTING na ako ung inspiration nya. haha) to which he said, "yung maka-save.. ung work itself.. kasi iba-iba pa rin naman ginagawa ko."

and so my pa-cute, madrama self emerges: e, ako?
stan: shempre ikaw din! hehe
cy: hindi naman eeeee! huli ka na naman!
stan: hindi ah! totoo naman un e!!

hahahaha. para na naman kaming bata :D

---

i WANT change. i want to do something new.  i feel that my mind is getting stale. i've been slacking off for the longest time -- first day in college up to the present.  i've limited myself to what i can already do. i refused to take the extra mile.. now, that i've reached the lowest point of being a slacker.. there is no way but up.  i have to get going. i feel that time is running out. Life is indeed too short.

i've lost track of my dreams.  Used my ideals to cover up for my irrationalities. Sugarcoated my fears with "reasons" which seemed like "i'm just taking my time." that may be partly true.. but actually... i just learned how to fear failure.. rejections... and mistakes.. for great FEAR of being reprimanded.  for fear of being punished... for fear of being humiliated.  screw you, CAT! :))

i've made a decision to take on something new next year, and I am now choosing among the ff:  taking up dance classes/gym ('coz nami-miss ko na talagang magsayaw. sobra), foreign language, or cooking classes.  I actually intend to enroll in all of those classes.. nagde-decide lang ako kung alin yung uunahin. :) hehe.. malakas ang loob coz my sarili nang income. ako na bahala sa budget. hehe :D i can get in to these things na ako na bahala if kaya ng time ko o what.. hehe. and i love it! :)

im also thinking na ok din if maging classmates kami ni stan in any or two of the classes. i mean.. for fun. it's just a thought though. i mean, i know that dear stanley wants to take up foreign language classes too, or culinary school... but it's just a thought :) pero sana.. we get to do something together.. i mean, something like this.. class.. hehe.  or like, we get to prepare a meal together.. hehe. i love it. i don't know but there's something romantic about spending time sa kitchen.. cooking together.. and stuff.. hehe :)

i decided to venture in to these things because I want to boost my self-confidence. i want to keep my mind healthy. i don't want to get stuck in a rut. i want to offer something to the world.  God blessed me with brains, i know i have to use it.  kasi.. sayang.  i NEED these things.. more than anyone could know. i am hungry for my old, accomplished, admired self. that's who I was. that's who i ought to be.

Finally, i regained my belief in dreams.  Finally, i have my dreams again.  i've plummeted down a rabbit hole.. and slowly, i'm working my way out. it's not easy.. the light at the end could be too harsh.. too blinding... but i'd get used to it again, i know :) 

ayoko na sa darkness! :))

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Happy birthday, dearest!

I love you muuuuuuchos! :D

Birthday dinner @ Bubba Gump =)
(I'd upload the pics soon. Check this entry for the link.)

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